We have steadily walked our way through this verse this week and have attempted to discover the ONE THING that we could do at home to be more intentional about connecting our family with God. We have had great fun with 'Red Light Thankfulness' this week as our girls are getting into saying something they are thankful for when we stop at a red light. We have set a new rule with this one though, we have agreed that we need to be specific about the things that we are thankful for.
The final installment of this verse is "when you rise..." and today we will consider ONE THING that we can do in the morning time to encourage our family to connect with God and to connect with each other. I know that not everyone is a morning person, and that there are also a number of people living in our metropolitan area who leave home at an unearthly hour just to make it to the office in time. regardless of whether you have a crazy early morning or the opportunity to take some time, we can all use some encouragement to be focused. Our morning times are pretty intense - three mornings a week I am gone from the house before my wife and kids are up, and the other two days I have the great chance to work from home and so I can be a part of the routine.
There are lots of things that must be done before our school or workday begins and some of those things are not really the time to be trying to memorize bible verses. It takes enough energy to try to keep my 4 yr olds hair out of her cereal in the morning let alone trying to teach her some biblical truth. One thing that has to happen every morning is that our kids need to put their shoes on before they go out. So, Julie had the great idea that she would get six small photo frames from that famous Swedish furniture store and print out six attributes that our kids can read as they put their shoes on. So each morning there on the wall in front of them are these six pictures. When we get a chance we try to go over one or more of the verses or attributes and remind the girls of what they have read.
The other thing which Julie has implemented with our girls is that on the drive to their school they all take turns and pray for the day. This has become so much a part of the routine that one day last week when I drove the family to Cara's school, we didn't pray - I did not know the rhythm. Julie felt a little off after the short trip to Cara's school when she realized that we didn't pray. I had hindered the rhythm. The lesson we learned from that trip was that we both need to know the rhythm, even if we are not normally involved with a particular aspect of it. So now, if I take the girls to school we pray on the way there - its our rhythm.
So here we are on day four of our journey through this verse from Deuteronomy 6:7. We have been thinking about creating a rhythm in our families and today I want to challenge you to think about ONE THING that you can do at bedtime that will help you become more intentional about impressing on your children the laws of God.
Most households have a routine that they try to follow at bedtime. For us, we have a routine that typically takes about 30-40 minutes. That may sound like a lot for some of you, but that is our rhythm - you need to find your own. For us, our intentional impressing does not need to wait until we are tucked up in bed - we look at how we can use the time between dinner and bed time as a way to develop greater family connection. We do not try to do this every day, but most days we will ask the girls if they want to play a game or maybe do family movie night. The games we play range from Candyland, to card games to Break the Ice (last night). Family movie night is not as grand as it sounds, it is basically a 30 minute time block when we sit down as a family and watch a TV program together. For those who are on cable or FIOS then check out the Christian TV channels and especially some of the kids shows that are on between 6 and 7pm. The quality of production may not be what you want to see, but your kids will learn so much from the truth that is repeated on these shows.
After that it is upstairs for the typical teeth brushing and bathroom visits before we hop on one of the girl's beds to read a book or two. We spend some time in prayer for the things/people that we have interacted with earlier that day and thank God for whatever comes to mind. We spend a few moments praying with each of our kids before kissing them good night and heading downstairs to collapse on the sofa.
It has been interesting to me over the past few weeks as I have thought about this verse that it says 'as you lie down...' This has been especially interesting because recently our little one has asked either her mom or I to lie down beside her for a few moments as she settles for sleep. It is as if she just loves the proximity and safety that she feels with one of her parents lying beside her. We oblige, and there have even been occasions where an hour or so later we wake up from that position and go downstairs. How precious it is though that our daughter wants us to be close to her and to spend those moments with her. What greater expression of love is there than to just lay down and be there. TV shows can wait, new series premieres are nowhere near as important as those precious moments. Do not miss them.
For a long time our girls just wanted Julie to put them to bed. I sat downstairs, usually online, and wondered why it took her so long. I mean, how long does it take to read a story, kiss them on the forehead and walk out of the room? I realized one day that the investment that Julie was making in our girls was an invaluable one that would come back to bless her with many fold. As for me - I was too pre-occupied with my bowl of lentils (see Genesis 25:29-34) to see what I was missing. Last night, I lay down beside both of my princesses for a while. I want them to know that their daddy is right there, present, there for them. Always.
What ONE THING will you add or change about your bedtime routine to intentionally pour into your kids?
Sorry for the delay in posting this but I met an old friend this morning as I was leaving my work-out who asked for a ride to the bus stop so he could wait for the next bus home. There was no way I was giving him a ride to the bus stop! I took him home instead. I didnt think you would mind waiting for today's installment.
So we talked yesterday about the ONE THING that we can do to enhance the time we spend with our families at bed time - or when we lie down. Today I want to turn our thoughts to the times when we walk along the road. The first time I read this part of the verse I was instantly struck with exactly how much time during the day this might have been for the children of Israel at that time. They were in the desert heading for the promised land and by the time that journey was completed it took 40 years. That was all done on foot - all done by walking. That is a lot of walking. Transport yourself to present day America and lets face it, if you see someone walking you pray that they get their job back so they can afford the payments on a car. No-one walks in this country - everyone drives. In fact, even walking from the parking lot to the store seems to be too much for most as they endlessly circle looking, nay waiting for the space closest to the door to open up - even though they actually could have parked and walked to the store by the time this actually happens.
Our walking along the road has been transformed to 'driving in the car'. What do you do when you are in the car? What music do you listen to? What songs do you sing? What do you talk about? What do your kids do, if you have any? Do your kids jump in the back seat and turn on the latest Disney movie on their in-car DVD player for the 5 minute ride to your next location? Do you think you are missing an opportunity here? do you think that somehow you could leverage these few precious moments and instead of your child learning the words to 'A whole new world...' that they might actually have the chance to hear God's truth sung?
What if you tried a little experiment for 2 weeks. Two weeks is not a long space of time in the life of a child, so come on, lets give this a try. What if for the next two weeks you listened to nothing but Christian music while you were driving. What if you switched off the DVD player and dropped a Christian storybook, or even a kids bible into their seats. What if every time you got in the car you thought to yourself - "What should we talk about?" or "Who should we pray for?" and then you lead the conversation or the prayers for those things.
Julie told me yesterday that she is going to try to make even the short car trips intentional by asking our girls to say something that they are thankful for every time they are stopped at a red light. You know how many chances there are to be thankful between our house and Gold's Gym in Crofton - 6! There are 4 chances between our house and the Town Center and 6 chances between our house and Grandma's house. One of two things will happen with this experiment:
1. My wife and I will run an awful lot of amber lights as we travel.
2. Our kids (and us) will gradually make thankfulness an everyday part of our lives.
I pray that the second of these options occurs more than the first.
So what is the ONE THING that you are going to do to be more intentional about leading yourself or leading your family into a deeper relationship with Jesus when you walk/drive along the road?
I finished yesterday's message with the story of how Esau gave up his birthright for a bowl of stew. Esau gave his brother Jacob his entire future for nothing more than some cooked lentils. That is insane to me. So why do I do that very same thing - except not really the lentil part? Why do I give up my kid's future for nothing more than a few hours more in the office, or for nothing more than just one more check of my e-mail or just one more tweet? When will I realize that my wife and my kids are worth so much more than any hobby, than any work related demand, than any 'emergency' that demands my attention?
Last summer, after multiple efforts to try to help me see how I was putting everything else in front of my wife and family, Julie showed me that I need to chose to be intentional about putting them first. I needed to chose to give my family the best of my time, the best of my energy, the best of my passion - and not just give them whatever was left after I had spent everything I owned in my career, or my hobbies or my church. The words of this song really are what we walked through, and continue to walk through. Maybe you are in the same place with your wife and family. Maybe it is time for you to take your head out of the sand and begin to lead your family.
My wife has often challenged me that my physical presence at home did not always equate to me actually 'being at home' with my family. What she meant by that was that even though I was physically in our house, I was mentally engaged in whatever the current issue was at church or at work. Being at home needs to become being at home - completely.
I have the luxury of an hour long drive home after work each day. Yes, I called it a luxury, because I have decided that this is the time that I re-live all of my office encounters. This is the time when I replay the conversations and choose the words were I win. My intention is that by the time I arrive at home that I can close the door to my truck and leave the office in there. When I open the door to greet my family I am trying hard to be present completely - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am not always successful with this, but this is the ONE THING that I am intentionally doing to make our times when we sit at home more meaningful. If you talk to any craftsman they will tell you that preparation is the most important aspect of any job. So I prepare myself to engage my family.
What ONE THING are you planning to intentionally do with your family when you sit at home?
Last night we played checkers, we played cards, we read stories - we engaged and interacted. To be honest, I was tired and would have quite happily curled up on the sofa to sleep through the game like half the population. My kids wanted to play. I had to make a choice. In the interest of full disclosure, we did leave the game on in the background. Old habits die hard.
Share your ONE THING, or your sit at home experiences with your family.
This morning (Sunday Sept 26) Julie and I had the great privilege of sharing with our church some of our story of creating a rhythm in our family. When we discussed earlier this week, what we should teach during this session, we felt it was important that we were honest. We felt that it was important for people to know our story. Not that our story is the greatest story around, but our story is what we know, and what we can be real about. I thought I would share a little of our story here and then continue our discussion throughout the week.
Julie and I were married at Christmas time in 1995 having been engaged for 2 years and dated seriously for 3 years prior to that. We had known each other even before that. We were friends who fell in love. We took our time with our relationship. We took everything slowly. We thought we were on the right track.
Julie was an elementary teacher. I was a physical therapist who was in the final stages of completing his PhD, developing a career as a college professor and running a clinic at the same time. In fact, our clinic was developing a reputation that was fantastic and I was the therapist responsible for the Irish Ladies Field Hockey Association. Both Julie and I were what the world would describe as successful. We were creating a rhythm that we were comfortable with. The problem was that we were not creating the same rhythm, we were creating separate rhythms that occasionally synched up, but were often discordant.
In January of 2000 we had a life changing discussion. A painful discussion. A heartbreaking discussion that effectively changed the direction of our married life. Julie was dissatisfied with where we were going. She felt the discord, I didnt see it. She saw the different rhythms, I didnt. She was done unless there was change. I was not.
We decided that we had to change how we lived in order to save and salvage our marriage. Our plan was that if my squad failed to qualify for the Olympic Games that we would look at moving away from Belfast to start afresh. It was a big step, but it was a vitally important step. What was more important was that the decision to change was mine to make. Julie had already expressed her feelings on where we were at as a couple. If I wanted things to improve then I had to make the change. I had to accept that there was a problem, that I was the problem and that we needed to begin to move in a new direction. That was a hard decision to make, a very hard decision - because to me it felt like I was admitting defeat as a husband. It felt that by agreeing to make this change that I was accepting total responsibility for the issues we were facing. That is not an easy place to be in - but the truth of the matter was that as the husband, as the head of the household it was my position as appointed by God to lead my house. I had to change.
On April 1st 2000 I returned from the Qualifying tournament - we failed to qualify. I resigned my position, and we set about looking for a new place to restart our lives. In November 2000, we landed at Dulles Airport - Julie, Ollie (our dog) and all our worldly possessions. We were beginning a new era of our life together - we were attempting to create a joint rhythm.
Are you and your spouse creating one rhythm together or are you playing separate rhythms that only occasionally synchronize? Is it time for you to change your rhythm and begin afresh?
More to come tomorrow. Please join the discussion, and take courage to bear your heart.
I just listened to a talk by Erwin McManus and was struck by one of the many great things he said. Essentially he asked the question from the title of this post. Erwin asked if the story I am currently living is compelling enough for the people who see this story to be drawn into following the things that I say or do, or am I just telling people things and expecting them to follow because I have said it?
This is a critical question. In my professional life I teach students. By my very position at the front of the class I am in a position where a group of 30+ people watch and listen to everything I say and what is worse they tend to write down pretty much every word uttered. Is my expectation that my students will just do as I say because of my position or is there a better way for me to go about my chosen profession? Maybe it would be better if I were to demonstrate the story of my experience to my students so they learn from my experience and knowledge because they are inspired to do so as opposed to being told to do so. How much more effective would my teaching be if I were to use my story to help compel them to learn our profession?
What about my life in the church? Do I lead in such a way that people see my story and are compelled in some way to do what I do or follow where I go? Do I just say things or even write things without living a compelling story and then expect people to do what I say? Where does this model of leadership come from? Where did we begin to think that people should do what we say when they are uninspired by the things they see us doing?
I think it is time to live a compelling story in all aspects of my life so that those who see it may be inspired to follow. Nowhere is this more important than with my family. How can I expect my kids to grow up and live their lives following Jesus if they do not see their daddy living his life for Him? Do my kids see me building my relationship with Jesus more than they see me on my computer or watching TV? What does my life story say to them? Time for a change. Time to live a story that is compelling, not a life that is struggling to even reach mediocrity.
By day an Associate Professor in Physical Therapy at Marymount University. By night a husband to my beautiful wife Julie, a dad to my wonderful daughters Cara and Emma. A servant of Christ trying to build the kingdom.
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