Withnesses We Need On Our Journey - Your BFF

So who are you walking your journey with? Who are the people who are in your life every step of the way? Who can you rely upon and depend on when things are good and when things are bad? we all need to know there are people who will be with us each step - these are your withnesses.

Leonard Sweet describes a number of withnesses that he believes we need to have on our journey and I want to talk about one of those here. Who is your BFF - best friend forever? Who is your BTF - Best true friend?

The three letters BFF have become common vernacular for today's youth and as stated mean best friend forever - which I often wonder how a thirteen year old can be that prophetic - but that is for another blog. But is there a difference between being a best friend and a true friend?

While I believe that our best friends can and should be our true friends there is a difference. Do you have a true friend who loves you so much that they are willing to risk offending you to tell you the things you need to hear? Or do all of your friends tell you what they think you want to hear - even when they question your judgement or decision making?

It is easy to go through life with your best friend by your side and never know that your BFF is too afraid to lose your friendship that they will never say anything they think will offend or challenge. During those times you can find yourself getting into situations that later you regret, that require a lengthy resolution period and ultimately cause you more pain than any offense would have. If you begin to realise that your BFF's never challenge you or never contradict you then one of two things is happening - you have become perfect (not likely) or your friends are not being true.

True friends will say the things you need to hear, not just the things you want to hear. True friends will have your best interest in mind and will be willing to risk your offense or frustration to help you on your journey. True friends will be there, right beside you every step of the way. When times are tough true friends remain, when times are great true friends are where they always are - beside you.

True friendship is graphically displayed between two young men in the Old Testament - David and Jonathan. Right after David kills the giant Goliath, he befriends Jonathan and from that point on these two are inseparable. Even after Jonathan's dad attacks David and tries to kill him, Jonathan holds his true friendship with the young giant slayer.

Deut 13:6 says this "If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you,..." this verse goes on to talk about resisting temptation and avoiding worshipping false gods - but that is not the piece I want to highlight. Look at the list of relationships here - very own brother, son or daughter, wife you love, closest friend. Is this list in some sort of hierarchical order of closeness of relationship? Can you really have a 'closest friend' who is closer than the 'wife you love'? I think that while physical intimacy with your wife/spouse is indeed a very high level of relationship, there are occasionally close friends who you may not connect with in some physical fashion but the emotional connection is equally as strong, if not stronger. It says in 1 Samuel that Jonathan loved David as himself - I think David found that close friend who was closer than even the wife he loved.

Who is your Jonathan?

Who is loyal even when you make it hard to be loyal
Who is the first to call in good or bad times
Who gives and gives but wants no payment
Who walks with you in all seasons of life - winter of discontent, summer of celebration
Who wont let you surrender to your own dark side
Who keeps you in check when you want what you cannot have
Who bestows grace to you when you take them for granted
Who defends your life's meaning when you believe your life has no meaning
Who sacrifices themselves for you

(adapted from L Sweet)

That is your Jonathan. That person who is willing to live a life of decreasing significance so you can become greater. That is your Jonathan.

Now a harder question -


Who considers you to be their Jonathan?