Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, Words Can Break My Spirit

I know this is not how the famous little saying goes, but recently I have been wondering if the rhyme may be less than accurate. I have been considering the things that we say, and the way that we say them, and the power that is conveyed through our words. 

The bible says in James 3:5-10,

“⁵Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  ⁷All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, ⁸but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  ⁹With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. ¹⁰Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”

The tongue is a very powerful weapon, yet how often we choose to carelessly use it, and cause considerable harm in the process. There is a fine line between challenging and chastising. This became tremendously apparent last week when I was preparing dinner at home while Cara and Emma were sitting at the table. Julie had left some things on the table that the girls really didn’t need to be playing with, so I asked them to put them aside and not play with them. The first request went unheeded and so the same request was made a second time. It was at that point that my 5yr old (going on 40) said under her breath, “We were just looking at them”. This is a new phase for her – a new boundary she is learning, but this was one muttered piece of back-chat that pushed the wrong button. I turned on my heel, and using nothing but words reduced my beautiful sweet angel to tears. Through my tone, and my inflection I used the same tongue that earlier had conveyed love, to now chastise. She got the point, but I fear there may be more moments of correction before we are free of this boundary checking.

This incident set me to think that the bible is true (fancy that) and the way that we use our tongues is incredibly powerful. There are times when I stand before the congregation and try my best to issue a challenge, but after listening to the podcast later I question whether I brought more chastisement than challenge. Oh how I wish I had the wisdom to get that one right in real time. One thing I have learned though is that what may come across to one person as a challenge may be considered as chastisement by the person sitting beside them. It is a very fine line to tread.

So how do we learn to tame the only muscle in the human body with one end unattached? I think we can do no more than follow what the Lord has instructed us to do in His word. Psalm 34:13 says, “keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies” – we need to exercise control. 

When it comes to bringing a challenge, we need to exercise control and only bring that challenge that comes from the Lord, not add our own ideas to what the Lord has given us. I think we step across the line into chastising when we don’t control our words. I pray that as we continue to grow as a body together that we will be patient with one another, holding each other up and being gracious to each other. I pray that as a family together we will use our tongues to edify and not to destroy. When we find ourselves feeling that we have been chastised, then maybe we can show grace and help the speaker understand how we feel, without making them feel the same way. When we feel that we have been challenged, then maybe we can take seriously the challenge that was made and not selectively pick out single words or phrases which we then use to disqualify ourselves from what was said. 

I suppose when it comes to controlling the tongue we need to do everything that we can to keep our speech pure, and maybe we should learn to believe the best from the speaker and trust that even though their ‘challenge’ may have felt more like chastisement, it wasn’t intended to come across that way. Then we can show grace and mercy with our tongue, and edify. 

I know I have a lot more to learn on this, and I hope that as we grow together you will graciously help me in that process.