My wife has often challenged me that my physical presence at home did not always equate to me actually 'being at home' with my family. What she meant by that was that even though I was physically in our house, I was mentally engaged in whatever the current issue was at church or at work. Being at home needs to become being at home - completely.
I have the luxury of an hour long drive home after work each day. Yes, I called it a luxury, because I have decided that this is the time that I re-live all of my office encounters. This is the time when I replay the conversations and choose the words were I win. My intention is that by the time I arrive at home that I can close the door to my truck and leave the office in there. When I open the door to greet my family I am trying hard to be present completely - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am not always successful with this, but this is the ONE THING that I am intentionally doing to make our times when we sit at home more meaningful. If you talk to any craftsman they will tell you that preparation is the most important aspect of any job. So I prepare myself to engage my family.
What ONE THING are you planning to intentionally do with your family when you sit at home?
Last night we played checkers, we played cards, we read stories - we engaged and interacted. To be honest, I was tired and would have quite happily curled up on the sofa to sleep through the game like half the population. My kids wanted to play. I had to make a choice. In the interest of full disclosure, we did leave the game on in the background. Old habits die hard.
Share your ONE THING, or your sit at home experiences with your family.
This morning (Sunday Sept 26) Julie and I had the great privilege of sharing with our church some of our story of creating a rhythm in our family. When we discussed earlier this week, what we should teach during this session, we felt it was important that we were honest. We felt that it was important for people to know our story. Not that our story is the greatest story around, but our story is what we know, and what we can be real about. I thought I would share a little of our story here and then continue our discussion throughout the week.
Julie and I were married at Christmas time in 1995 having been engaged for 2 years and dated seriously for 3 years prior to that. We had known each other even before that. We were friends who fell in love. We took our time with our relationship. We took everything slowly. We thought we were on the right track.
Julie was an elementary teacher. I was a physical therapist who was in the final stages of completing his PhD, developing a career as a college professor and running a clinic at the same time. In fact, our clinic was developing a reputation that was fantastic and I was the therapist responsible for the Irish Ladies Field Hockey Association. Both Julie and I were what the world would describe as successful. We were creating a rhythm that we were comfortable with. The problem was that we were not creating the same rhythm, we were creating separate rhythms that occasionally synched up, but were often discordant.
In January of 2000 we had a life changing discussion. A painful discussion. A heartbreaking discussion that effectively changed the direction of our married life. Julie was dissatisfied with where we were going. She felt the discord, I didnt see it. She saw the different rhythms, I didnt. She was done unless there was change. I was not.
We decided that we had to change how we lived in order to save and salvage our marriage. Our plan was that if my squad failed to qualify for the Olympic Games that we would look at moving away from Belfast to start afresh. It was a big step, but it was a vitally important step. What was more important was that the decision to change was mine to make. Julie had already expressed her feelings on where we were at as a couple. If I wanted things to improve then I had to make the change. I had to accept that there was a problem, that I was the problem and that we needed to begin to move in a new direction. That was a hard decision to make, a very hard decision - because to me it felt like I was admitting defeat as a husband. It felt that by agreeing to make this change that I was accepting total responsibility for the issues we were facing. That is not an easy place to be in - but the truth of the matter was that as the husband, as the head of the household it was my position as appointed by God to lead my house. I had to change.
On April 1st 2000 I returned from the Qualifying tournament - we failed to qualify. I resigned my position, and we set about looking for a new place to restart our lives. In November 2000, we landed at Dulles Airport - Julie, Ollie (our dog) and all our worldly possessions. We were beginning a new era of our life together - we were attempting to create a joint rhythm.
Are you and your spouse creating one rhythm together or are you playing separate rhythms that only occasionally synchronize? Is it time for you to change your rhythm and begin afresh?
More to come tomorrow. Please join the discussion, and take courage to bear your heart.
I just listened to a talk by Erwin McManus and was struck by one of the many great things he said. Essentially he asked the question from the title of this post. Erwin asked if the story I am currently living is compelling enough for the people who see this story to be drawn into following the things that I say or do, or am I just telling people things and expecting them to follow because I have said it?
This is a critical question. In my professional life I teach students. By my very position at the front of the class I am in a position where a group of 30+ people watch and listen to everything I say and what is worse they tend to write down pretty much every word uttered. Is my expectation that my students will just do as I say because of my position or is there a better way for me to go about my chosen profession? Maybe it would be better if I were to demonstrate the story of my experience to my students so they learn from my experience and knowledge because they are inspired to do so as opposed to being told to do so. How much more effective would my teaching be if I were to use my story to help compel them to learn our profession?
What about my life in the church? Do I lead in such a way that people see my story and are compelled in some way to do what I do or follow where I go? Do I just say things or even write things without living a compelling story and then expect people to do what I say? Where does this model of leadership come from? Where did we begin to think that people should do what we say when they are uninspired by the things they see us doing?
I think it is time to live a compelling story in all aspects of my life so that those who see it may be inspired to follow. Nowhere is this more important than with my family. How can I expect my kids to grow up and live their lives following Jesus if they do not see their daddy living his life for Him? Do my kids see me building my relationship with Jesus more than they see me on my computer or watching TV? What does my life story say to them? Time for a change. Time to live a story that is compelling, not a life that is struggling to even reach mediocrity.
Are you in front of something? When you look behind you do you see a group of people who are looking straight at you and apparently waiting for your next move so they know what their next move is going to be? If you find yourself in that awesome position, then you have woken up to find yourself in a position of leadership.
Are you a positional leader? Are you by job description or title a leader? Does your position in your company or business necessitate that you are in from of people, but when you look around are you straining your eyes to see where all the followers are?
In the business world this lack of follower-ship can be problematic to your company's bottom line - if you are a pastor then this lack of follower-ship can mean eternal death for hundreds if not thousands of people. We live in a time when the population of the world is growing and the population in our churches is decreasing - Houston, we have a problem!
We do not have a lack of church locations, but yet we have a lack of growth of the Christian faith. How can this be the case? How can we in America have a surplus of churches and yet still have a deficit of Christianity? How have we missed the boat? Why are we in the position we are in? How are we going to get out of it?
Where is the urgency in the church? Where is the passion in the leadership of the church that compels us to give everything we have to reach those around us with the Good News? When did we swallow the lie that it is ok to be the church 'for us', but it is not ok for us to be the church for 'those people out there'? Why do we believe that 'those people out there' need to change to be more like us before they can join us? Do we seriously think that people are dying to flood into our churches and fill our pews all by themselves?
Houston, we really do have a problem - it just isnt going to happen.
We need to allow the Lord to change us and transform us to a people of URGENCY - a people who have heard the alarm bell ringing and understand that when the alarm goes off it means only one thing - FIRE!
We need to allow ourselves to accept change and new things readily and to not get stuck in the rut of 'this is how we have always done it'. We need to recognize that the cheesy-Left Behind series movies may not have all the Hollywood razzamataz, but they have one vital element - the TRUTH. Whether you enjoyed the cinematography of any of those end of the world type movies is not important - the truth that people have one life to live and if they die without knowing Christ then they are dead forever.
When will we wake up to the alarm that is ringing loudly at the minute and 'be strong and courageous' and simply invite our friends and neighbors to come to church?
This week has been one of those weeks when it seemed like I was out every night, or working every night in preparation for what was a busy weekend. Friday daytime was spent putting the boat back together again followed by small group and a late night preparation time to get ready for Bowiefest on Saturday.
Saturday morning we were up and at em early and after picking up a few bits and pieces from the church at 8am I was off to Allen Pond to set up our booth for what promised to be a day of connecting with the great people of this city. Saturday was hot - from the moment I left my house it was hot. It was one of those days when being hot and sweaty was the common feeling of the day. I dont think that changed at any moment during the day to be honest. The band were due to play at 11:30am but that was never going to happen because the sound engineer who had all of the sound gear in his truck overslept and only arrived at Bowiefest at 11am. To say they were slow setting up their rig was an understatement, but by noon, JD and the gang were belting out worship tunes across the whole venue. It was awesome to walk through the vendors and stalls and see people tapping their feet to the music. I wonder if they really knew it was a worship set?
The rest of the afternoon was spent talking to people about StreetReach and what we were trying to achieve with our summer outreach. There were a number of great conversations and we will see what comes from the seeds that were planted.
Saturday night was spent enjoying the beauty of Justin and Jackie's wedding. It is always great to see friends fulfill their dream of getting married and to be a part of the beginning of their new journey together. Ending the evening with final preparation of this morning's message.
This morning went well, at least I felt it did, but it is always difficult to know how you are heard. The response seemed to be good. We will see what the week brings.
When I got home from gassing up my truck in preparation for the week, Emma was in the toy room yelling for her mom. I went in to see what the issue was that was evoking the screams. "Would you play with me daddy?" came with a little forlorn look. I was instantly met with my own message this morning - I had a choice to make. Was I going to make some selfish excuse about being tired and go sit down, or was I going to fight for my family and sit down on the floor to play with My Little Ponies. There wasn't really a choice to make. So little purple brush in hand I was designated as the head groom and had to brush all the ponies. Once the stable was completed we moved on to Barbies and the doll's house. For a little under an hour or so Emma and I played with her toys, doing the things that she wanted - and it felt fantastic. I need to keep making the right choices - regardless of how tired or busy I think I am.
I sat in a meeting today in work, my university work, and read an e-mail informing us that one of our faculty colleagues lost her battle with cancer this week. We didnt stop our meeting, take a pause or even acknowledge the loss of a friend and co-worker. Those who read the e-mail made a few "That's sad" comments but little else. we returned to our business in an effort to complete our tasks and get finished for the day as early as possible.
I was struck by how self-absorbed this act truly was. It has set me to think today about the selfish things that we instinctively do and how so often we seem to think that somehow our selfish actions or desires are perfectly justified. we are full of our own self-importance. The refrain from the parody of that Christian song came to mind, "It's all about ME, really, and all this is for ME ...." (sung to the tune of Its all about You, Jesus). Why do we fail to look around us at the world we live in and fail to think of others above ourselves? Why is it always about us, about our desires, about our wants, about our needs?
As followers of the Way, we must have a different mindset. We must have the mind of Christ, who being in very nature God, who was made of the very same stuff that God is made of, who was equal to God the creator of the universe in every way, yet He humbled himself - ahh, there it is. He HUMBLED himself, He - the creator, the maker of all things He HUMBLED himself, He lowered himself, He wasn't lowered by someone else, He wasnt forced into it, He HUMBLED himself. And as He did that He took on the very nature of a man, the Creator became a created being. He became finite, the infinite was contained. He HUMBLED himself.
Could the simple truth be that easy? Could it really be a matter of us recognizing that regardless of our gifting or ability or position, for us to be like Christ then we must do as He did. We MUST HUMBLE ourselves. We must fight against the world as it attempts to elevate us, and we must fight against ourselves as we attempt to elevate ourselves. We must resist the urge to raise our heads above all others and we must take on the very nature of a servant. We must force ourselves to seek out a life of service, a life where we look to raise others up, a life where we spend all of our energy in exalting others and leading them to the Savior.
HUMBLE yourselves therefore, under God's mighty hand, that HE may lift you up, in due time.
Flying to Orange conference with Dione on Wednesday morning - YAY
Getting the call that Julie's granda had passed away - BOO
Getting inspired about reaching the family for Christ through Orange - YAY
Booking separate flights to Belfast for my wife and I to be with her family - BOO
Having local parents (Mine) who love to care for my kids - YAY
Being in Atlanta while my wife flies to Belfast - BOO
Being able to purchase a ticket to Belfast to support my wife's family - YAY
Having to wait until I could get my passport renewed to be able to fly - BOO
Having a very nice passport office worker get my passport in 5 hours - YAY
Condensing 5 days work into 5 hours to try to get everything done before leaving - BOO
Getting a call that my wife's car keys have been found after being lost for 1 week - YAY
Getting rear-ended by some guy not paying attention and crashing into... me - BOO
By day an Associate Professor in Physical Therapy at Marymount University. By night a husband to my beautiful wife Julie, a dad to my wonderful daughters Cara and Emma. A servant of Christ trying to build the kingdom.
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